Snatch, directed by Guy Ritchie

Stop me if you've heard this one before: an 'onest to goodness luv-a-duck cockney wideboy gets in trouble with the local muscle over a botched gamble and has to come up with a foolproof plan sharpish. Everything goes pear-shaped and everybody except said cockney wideboy and his muckers get Benny-Hilled.

Oh dear. Guy Ritchie's follow-up to Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is a shameful, painful rip-off. The fact that he is ripping off his own work is no excuse; it simply serves to highlight that he is a one-hit wonder. Like Right Said Fred and Babylon Zoo, Ritchie has created a cultural curiosity and convinced himself it was the birth of a genre. Films such as Love, Honour and Obey have in turn convinced the filmgoing public that anything claiming to be a lovable and hilarious East-end gangster comedy will actually be about as lovable and hilarious as a hernia.

Thankfully, on that count at least, Snatch does not disappoint. It is distasteful and largely unfunny with none of the manic energy, pace or wit of Lock, Stock. Jason Statham, who played Bacon in Lock, Stock, is all at sea in a lead role, with none of the ingenuous charm of Nick Moran. Stephen Graham cannot deadpan like Dexter Fletcher. Even Mike Reid pops up to dispel any illusions of big-screen credibility. Rather than recreating the excitement and humour of Ritchie's first feature, Snatch feels much more like an extended episode of the disastrous Lock, Stock... TV series.

It is left to Vinnie Jones and Brad Pitt to add some class to proceedings. Jones recreates his original hard-man-for-hire character and never bores. Brad Pitt meanwhile, shows a group of British TV actors what it means to have genuine screen presence. His Irish Gypsy boxer (or "the fuckin' pikey" as he is referred to by everyone else in the film) is a fine, funny and honest performance, and he is the only actor to avoid playing the stereotype where it would have been easiest.

So, if you were a huge fan of the first film and the resulting TV series, Snatch will provide the odd furtive laugh and enough rhyming slang to keep you happy. If however, like the rest of us, you thought Lock, Stock was great fun because it was really fresh and didn't take itself too seriously, don't bother. Despite fleeting moments of brightness, Snatch is a load of old April (April in Paris...aris...Aristotle...bottle...bottle and glass...oh don't worry about it).

Harry Smith, 30 / 8 / 00