My worst Valentine’s was last year. I came home from work to find a box on my doorstep with a big heart on it. This was very exciting – I had never received anything so promising before. The box was full or sawdust which was a bit confusing- it was like a lucky dip- only what I found was a dead hamster curled up at the bottom. Not so fun. My beloved hamster had died a couple of months earlier and some guy at work who I had told about this in a drunken stupor and then snogged at the Christmas party thought it would cheer me up to have another one. It was a sweet (if not incredibly stupid) thought but it didn’t make me warm to him. This year I have just started seeing someone lovely- we met at the work’s Christmas party actually hahahaha! This is the first Valentine’s I've looked forward to since I split up with someone I adored, wanted to spend the rest of my life with and am still not entirely over -that was over four years ago so I really need to move on.... I’d really like to see the Jeeves and Worcester or a film at the UPP if lucky enough to win something xoxoox Thanks! Hope you all have a good one :)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don't want a valentine
Not even from you!
Love's an illusion
Romance wears thin
Don't send me a card
It will go in the bin.
I'll buy my own chocolates
And drink my own wine
Red hearts and bows
are a waste of my time.
You ask if I've always been like this
Well I'll tell if you promise
not to give me a kiss!
I may even one day let you be mine
My very own anti-valentine.

Prize choice - Jeeves and W or The Graduate

Hi my worst Valentines day was unfortunately my first...

I was 13 years old and so excited to have my first valentines date...my new (again first) boyfriend sent me a beautiful handmade card through the door with a rose 🌹 and a note saying he would love to take me to the cinema for a romantic date and dinner...

I was so excited! I bought a new dress and even sneaked some red lipstick in my bag (thinking this night might lead to my first real kiss!!)

I caught the bus to the cinema and when I arrived he was standing with a bunch of flowers...AND HIS MUM

It turned out it it was all her idea and had made and written the card and decided to come along to 'supervise'...she even sat inbetween us in the cinema!! She spent the whole night telling us how adorable we were and he was so embarrassed he wouldn't even hold my hand... the romantic dinner turned out to be a drive through McDonald's on the way home where she produced two happy meals

Not even a kiss goodbye...

So much for my first grownup date!

(I have had many lovely ones since then though...but a trip to Jeeves and Wooster would make this one the best! Lol)

My worst Valentine's Day memory is sitting alone in the library writing my undergraduate dissertation last year. Please help make this one better for me with hotdogs and cocktails for me and my boyfriend at Joe Perks and Co.!

Many moons ago my ( now husband) took me out for Valentines day , we went from restaurant to restaurant around Oxford and of course they were all booked , we ended up with a KFC sat on his dad's sofa ... Still couldn't have put me off him and 28 years later and still married , but he's still no good at arranging things ! Joe Perks would make a great night out

A few years ago I arranged to meet a former Irish Republican Army commander to discuss his career for some academic research I was doing. He had requested to meet in the evening, at a pub, and I kept the appointment in my head as "Tuesday, 7pm", without thinking about what date it was.

Tuesday came around and an unusual number of acquaintances asked about my evening plans. I told them, in my Boston-Oxford-Belfast mashup of an accent, how excited I was to be meeting this ex-IRA man over drinks and how I really hoped he wouldn't stand me up.

Whilst I was lost in my research, I hadn't noticed it was February 14th.

For months afterward, I received tentative inquiries about how my date with the IRA commander had gone and whether I was still dating him.

(Prize preference: Joseph Perks and Co)

So it started off a few days before Valentines Day, we met online and seemed to get on so we decided to go on a date. It was basically a blind date (hah, the irony.) as we'd only spoken a handful of messages, but his profile seemed okay, he had seemed nice and polite and I thought I had minimal chance of being chopped up into tiny pieces in a crowded restaurant. (Stay safe folks!)

So on the evening of the 14th, he picked me up. The first thing I noticed? He had a lazy eye. I'm not that shallow, but I then realised that his name was Alistair... Stare... he has a lazy eye, and his name had the word Stare in it. Can you imagine? Anyway, once I had gotten over the irony, I decided not to let it ruin the evening, he still seemed nice after all.

Within hours, the date felt awkward and forced, he started lecturing me on life, correcting me and generally trying to be controlling. He told me straws were for children and I shouldn't be using one... the cheek! Then a couple of girls entered the bar/resturaunt. They weren't being loud or anything, just having a laugh - probably a little bit drunk at this point. That's when he turned around and started slagging them off, putting them down and generally judging people he couldn't possibly know. I had begun to tune him out like a white noise machine and then I turned to see who he was talking about. Stood at the bar were my three best friends who had snuck in to spy on my date!

When I realised who they were, I told him and he still carried on. This made me furious as my friends always come first. I told him he should leave and I'll stay with my friends. I saw him outside to wave him off when he tried to go in for a kiss. I abruptly stopped him with a hand gesture and a single sentence. "I would let you in my panties, but there's already one asshole in there. Goodbye." and then I turned back inside and finished the evening with my mates instead.

(I'd like playhouse tickets to treat my other half, who has full use of his eyes and will appreciate it more rather than be an utter snob. If that's out - I wouldn't mind treating him to a hot dog.) :3

My worst Valentines date was with my first serious boyfriend, he was much older than me and had a great job but no taste or idea about what women were interested in. Our date was to a games centre for me to watch him play games followed by a romantic dinner for two at the McDonalds next door. When I thought this couldn't get any worse, he gave me a huge box which contained 2 pink satin and lace frilly sofa cushions. Needless to say the relationship didn't last long!

My worst valentines day would have to say was 2010. Just recently single and i asked a young lady out as i quite liked her. So we had arranged to have dinner and drinks in oxford city centre. Get there around 7.50 waiting for the young lady when i see my ex dolled up she walks past me at the time thought she was going to meet her friends. So i am now waiting outside the restaurant for 20 minutes calling and texting her. Get no reply for 10 minute i get a call from saying that she fell asleep after work and she apologised and she would try to at least make drinks, as i am about to reply when i hear a familar voice, i look up and i see my ex with a random guy laughing and loved up made me feel angry so i told my date we will go for drinks over the weekend. And to add insult to injury the taxi my ex was in splashed me as it drove past.

I would kike the hotdog and cocktails prize

Hello

My worst valentines was probably last years, 'Galentines'. What we had planned to be a really fun night, just turned out to be extremely sad. My group of girlies and I, all happened to be single at the same time, so, to 'celebrate' our lucky escapes from our valentines dates of the previous year had devised an evening of fun.... 'fun'
Several glasses of wine, and hilarious photos of our exes later, the obvious thing to do was pin these photos to our empty pizza boxes... yes... takeaway pizza, and throw darts at them, and the wall, and a few at the floor (by this point our aim was....not totally reliable). The evening ended with all of us curled up with a tub of Ben and Jerry's (each..) watching, and singing along to 100 greatest love songs of all time - by the time it got to number 1 I think none of us wanted to hear another love song ever again!

All in all, quite a tragic night! Hoping for a slightly livelier valentines this year!!

(If I did win, I wouldn't really mind which prize - although I must admit a weakness for Jeeves and Wooster! :P )

Me and my boyfriend had never been very into Valentines because he worked in the fast food industry and it was always crazy busy. But one year by some miracle he got it off work, so I suggested we did something different and went Go-Karting. When we got there I was feeling pretty smug about my decision because we had the whole place completely to ourselves. After a practice lap the race kicked in and our competitive selves came out in full force.But then he clipped the back of my tires and made me spin out and gained a few laps on me. I got frustrated and overtook him on a corner; I won, but he crashed hard. We both got taken off early for dangerous driving and later that night had an argument because he claimed I gave him whiplash. Needless to say were not together any more, think I'll just order take out next time.

Unless of course I win Two hotdogs and two cocktails at Joe Perks, (or anything at all) then Valentines day will be back on the table with my new fella. :)

God only knows why as a cherubic six year old I had heard of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre but not the more common traditions of Valentine's Day. It was because of this intelligence and ignorance that, when my parents handed me a red felt tip and suggested I send Jennifer Jacobs a Valentine's card, I drew her a quite graphic depiction of the events of that day in 1929 – making proficient use of that red pen. I sent it Jennifer's way with a sincere if somewhat baffled "Happy Valentine's Day!" scrawled inside. The relationship went downhill from there.

Last year I asked my boyfriend if we really had to get each other something cute because it's really not my thing. He told me that I absolutely HAVE to get something cute, that we should try to show our love for one another in a 'normal' way for just one day of the year. I'm not one for all of this cute-y rubbish but agreed because he was insistent that we get each other cute stuff.

I spent a month trawling through many different sites and finally came up with the cringey idea of getting him a box with 20 different cards inside, each with a different reason why I love him, personalised of course. I still hate that I gave him this, even today. I asked him what he was getting me and he was going to get two different keyrings that, when combined, make a heart shape - one for me to have and one for him (we're in a long distance relationship so we don't often get to see each other). I politely informed him that I would not use such things.

I happened to be seeing him a week before Valentine's Day so that was when we exchanged gifts. I gave him his first and he seemed to like them. His idea for a cute present for me? A sex toy.

AFTER ALL OF THE PAIN AND EFFORT I WENT THROUGH, HE DIDN'T EVEN GET SOMETHING CUTE IN RETURN!! Angry doesn't even begin to cover it. I hate Valentine's Day.

Hello.

My name is Kamil. Perhaps my English is not the best, but when I saw this competition I made the decision to tell you my story. So first thing is I born on 14 February, so usually this day is more lucky for me than in this story.
In past, few years ago I was in relationship with one woman. We had small problem between us before Valentine's day. So I was not expecting anything full of love etc. The day begun like every normal day. I was texting to my girlfriend what about this day, what we will be doing? I was trying to save this day, not because of me, my birthday, our relationship but because I belive that this Day is different, especially for people who are in any relationship because of love...The day was going without any answer from my woman... So I decided to go alone to the club, because I was thinking if she do not care so why I should? I was in front of club. I've got the message from her. She wrote me that she order birthday cake and she thought that I will come to visit her like usually. I was suprised and I was thinking: Maybe it's some kind of trick...Maybe she just wrote this to me, because she is trying to stop me to spend this day without her...But for me was too late to change the decision. I was in club. In few hours I was really relaxed. I was drinking some alcohol and dancing with friends. Before the end of party I saw that couple of my friends are fighting with bodyguards of club. So I was running to help them and stop this battle. Perhaps I was one of the few men who help resolved the problem. But in the same time when I was trying to relax every bodyguard I've got my FIRST and LAST gift for my Birthday in this beautiful Valentines day! It was pepper spray, lots of pepper spay on my face and in the eyes, and lots of tears:) I will never forget this...

Thanks for reading.

When I was 16 I was very much in love with an Italian guy I met during holiday in Italy. I was dreaming of him for a whole year and I put much time and effort in sending him the perfect valentine's card...
I didn't get a card back. In fact I didn't hear from him the entire year.
When we finally got back to Italy we met again.
And he didn't remember me at all :'(

In the third year of college I had a new boyfriend who I was really falling for. We had only been going out for a couple of weeks or so before valentines day was upon us. He offered to take me out to dinner - somewhere really nice. I bought myself a new, very expensive silk dress and spent about three hours getting ready - doing my makeup and curling my hair. I really wanted to impress! Maybe this would be a good night to take things a bit further, I thought! At 8pm I heard a knock on my bedroom door. Eager to see my sweet new beau I opened the door. Then, and without any warning my new boyfriend emptied the contents of a super-sized, extra-powerful super-soaker all over me, spraying me head-to-toe with water! I looked like a drowned rat, to put it mildly. It turned out that when he had arrived, my housemates (also male) had mentionned to my boyfriend that I had taken rather a long time to get ready and suggested that it would be funny for him to borrow their super soaker. It was not funny! I was a very forgiving person in my youth (probably less so now) and I ended up having an on-off relationship with him for over 12 years.

My worst Valentines memory was a few years ago when my boyfriend called me on Valentines Day morning to say that he was working so we wouldn't be able to do anything. I didn't believe that this could be true and spent the day imagining what surprises he had up his sleeve. When I came home to a dark and empty house that evening, I still did not think that he was at work. I ran around the house opening each door thinking that he was going to burst out holding some flowers and say "put your best dress on, we are going to Gee's". When I couldn't find him, I called him up and found out it was true all along and he was actually at work. I spent the rest of the evening drowning in my sorrows and filling in an online dating form with my friend.

Hello,

I once ‘double-dated’, a bit of a joke

Many years back, nearly flat broke;

My mate knew girls, so he organised,

He DID say that I’d be surprised -

And yes, his was a stunner, mine was a bloke . . . .

If lucky enough to win, Playhouse tickets please?

I was 14 years old and had started to be interested in boys having had the odd date. I received a Valentines card, popped through the front door. Who could it be from? I spent hours daydreaming of my secret love, speculating who could have sent it, discussing who it might be from, scrutinising the handwriting etc. It was a HUGE deal to me and very thrilling. Then…. my father admitted, in front of the rest of my family, that he had bought it and got the lady at our corner shop to write in it, so I wouldn't recognise the handwriting. Everyone thought it was hilarious - except for me. I was so embarrassed and felt humiliated at the excitement I had shown over the card. Never liked Valentines Day since then!

My worst valentines I was pregnant with twins and had organised a lovely home cooked meal for my then partner which I planned to serve while our 18 month old was in bed. I called to see what time he would be arriving when he said that he would not be coming that evening as something had come up, this resulted in a huge argument which ended with him slamming down the phone. I decided to drive to my best friends for a rant and cry on her shoulder to discover his car outside her house. I then called other friends who hesitantly told me that they had been having an affair for 6 months without my knowledge. Fantastic!